Annoying Texts and Dealing With Them

You’ve met someone and you are all for setting up the first date. But it has not happened yet, and no matter how much you like them, they only communicate with you by texting. And I mean constant texting. They are always online for you, answer each text and even share snippets of their day and tell funny jokes that bring a smile to your face.

This is all well until a text arrives that will make you want to throw your phone out the window. If you are rolling your eyes now, then you know what I’m talking about.

How to respond????

Do you ghost them and end up being the asshole? Or you think of something witty, smart and epic that will put them in their rightful place?

My answer is always going for the last option, as serving them a piece of their pie is a great way of answering and either showing them the proverbial door or opening a door for a fun and engaging conversation. Here are some samples of how to create a great reply and get a kick of it.

An acronym for “What You Doing?” is one of the least inventive messages anyone can send. If you are not involved in casually talking with them, then they have no base of asking you what you are doing on a random day. It seems they’ve not gotten that memo and you get this text on a random Tuesday night.

No matter what your actual evening consists of, like perhaps knitting a scarf or jacking off, my advice is to answer with some deep philosophical thought, something like the following:

“What a good question [insert their name here]. Are you thinking of the meager human existence? Rotating on a lump of dirt around a fiery star? Or you are really concerned about my actions tonight because you are interested in me?  In that case, let me tell you that at the moment, I’m enjoying the best time of my life.”

This kind of answer will garner two responses: they will get annoyed and will never call or text you again. Or you’ll end up having an engaging conversation involving philosophy, maybe aliens and you’ll be well on your way towards a first date.

“Can I get a selfie?”

Asking someone to send you selfie straight up is annoying and simply put – rude. If the person feels comfortable sharing an image of themselves, they will send it.

And if you receive such a request from someone you are casually texting with and are not in a relationship of any kind, then sending them a selfie is not an option.

Many guys will do and say anything to get a (naked) photo of a girl. Trust me, I know they use it for nefarious reasons. Maybe you don’t mind that someone finds your image, but others def do.

If you know the person, you can share your social network info like Instagram handle or Facebook name, and tell them to get their fill of looking at you there.

If you are a single person and you receive a text like this, I don’t need to tell you that this does not deserve an answer. But if select to forgo your rule of talking to assholes and decide on an answer, here are several witty answers that will help the recipient break their boredom. One such example:

“Hi [Insert their name here]. Here is a detailed list of activities that I’ll rather do instead of coming over:

1. Read all the junk email in my inbox

2. Watch the infomercial channel

3. Listen to a political campaign

4. Watch paint dry

5. Pull my eyelashes out

6. Get my crack waxed

7. Listen to the same lame joke my dad has told for the last twenty years”

Feel free to add some more creative responses and be sure that that person will not be contacting you again.

As a precaution, save the list and keep it in a convenient place. You never know when you are going to need it again.

Why oh why would someone send this kind of message to anyone? And just a “??,” is flat out impolite. It is more common that one might think, as people are lazy and not usually inventive.

If you find such a message on your phone, and even though it does not deserve an answer, but you still decide to answer it, my advice is to feel free to be a little on the aggressive side and send a clear “don’t mess with me” tone.

Your reply could go something like this:

“Hello [insert their name here]. I’m sorry I did not reply sooner as your double question mark sounded important. I was preoccupied with a thing called life. You know, having things to do and not bothering people with rude texts. I propose you get Spelling and Punctuation 101 and learn how to use question marks correctly first!”

You can think of any kind of similar reply, as I believe that people should be put in their place when they are asking for it. And multiple question marks are one of these things.

Now you know what to do when your phone starts buzzing with annoying texts at 9 PM on a Tuesday and interrupts your alone time. But, you’ll have to estimate how far you want to take your responses. After a while, the texts could simply become a nuisance.

You’re not going to be able to avoid these annoying questions. They exist and they will continue to exist – simple as that.

The best thing you can do to avoid them is actually quite simple. You must mention on your dating profile that you cannot stand annoying questions. This will help you avoid most of the nonsense.

The result = freeing up your time for reading more dating reviews and hooking up with local peeps.